If I won $540 Million Dollars....

(My beautiful family in Brazil circa 1994.. can you spot me and my sis in the crowd? She looks cute. I look like a stupid.. Mom, why did let me walk around with weird scrunchies on the top of my head? Are you to blame for this? Or was it just the 90s? I guess just the 90s, huh.)

So the Mega Millions lotto is at a record breaking $540 million dollars this week. 

FIVE HUNDRED AND FORTY MILLION DOLLARS PEOPLE. 

I never play the lottery, however, the last couple of weeks my sisters, mom and I have been buying our tickets which has turned into a pretty emotional movement. We've come home together, after carefully marking our numbers onto little pieces of paper.. little pieces of paper that hold the remarkably distant, yet still potential power of drastically changing our lives in ways only humans can dream of their lives changing. We've come home together, dreaming aloud, spilling heartfelt lists of all the things we would do with that kind of money, and it's been so sweet to hear some of the things that have been expressed. I know with out a doubt my family loves me, and I love them back, and still, I think no matter how much love there is in any given room we share, we carry on wishing we could give each other the world just to prove how much love there really is. 

Five hundred and forty millions dollars.

That's a lot of money. I don't even think it's logical to hand one person that much money. Why not split the pot like four hundred ways. Four hundred winners instead of one? A small school of luck instead of one little itty bitty fish of luck? You have to hope that it ends up working out that way.. that whoever that one damn lucky little fish is, that they have a family and friends and a community that they intend on sharing the money with, and if that's the case, then alright. Either way, how do you not share the shit out of five hundred and forty million dollars? 

If my fortune lust has taught me anything in the last few days, it's been that there is more happiness and beauty in pondering all the ways I would give, rather than keep/do for myself with that kind of money. And I can't help, but to get emotional. I think about my family in Brazil. I think about my mom's seven brothers and sisters and all their children and grandchildren-my many, many cousins. I think about how their country only dreams of coming to the U.S.--not to live, just to visit, just to put their feet on a Hollywood star on the sidewalk, or meet Mickey Mouse, or cruise through Malibu, or travel to the top of the Empire State Building, or go to an American concert. I think about all the extravagant ideas that pop culture has fed their souls about America, and I understand their longing to see this infamous place I've been blessed to be born in and call my home, even though... the lives they live, however less glamorous, is just as blessed and filled with happiness and love as my own... if not more. And still, I think about giving ALL of them the opportunity to come here, even if only for a short while, just so they can satisfy that burning desire to see this country for themselves. More importantly, I would give them all the opportunities I have here that I consistently take for granted. Education being one of them. I would give each and every one of my cousins the opportunity to learn, to go to college. To not work seventy hours a week in a little food store so that they can feed my aunts and uncles and their siblings. I would give them the opportunity to finish high school instead, to enjoy days off, even though they carry on with joy and happiness regardless of the seemingly rough cycles they're in.. I would give them these things. Because they've given me so much. They've given me a shade of humbleness that has stuck with me my whole life, and though I continue to be humbled in many ways, it always starts and finishes with my family in Brazil. 

I would give my mother a house. A big, beautiful house. Cliche, I know... but mamas love their houses.  More than that, I would give my mom the opportunity to finish school. Once and for all. Sometimes I can't help but to feel guilty. I feel guilty that my mom has sacrificed so much in order to raise me and my sisters and brother. Still, she continues to work so hard to provide. I feel guilty when I think about all these dreams of mine I'm chasing, the youth I still encompass, the freedom I have to go and do whatever I want still. It's hard to really celebrate these things sometimes when I hear my mom coming in through the front door early every morning. Seven a.m. she walks in from another twelve hour graveyard shift at the hospital, where she works not as an RN, but as a nursing assistant. To be an RN is her dream. She has been working towards such a degree for over twenty years now, been admitted to the nursing program twice. The first time, almost nearly passed (having English as your second language, a few learning disabilities and a family to take care of can make nursing school a bit of a challenge), the second time, dropped out because my step-dad got laid off and she had no choice but to quit so she could support all of us financially (in that, put me through college), and now, the thought of her returning to school seems so distant. She sounds so defeated whenever I bring it up, like it was something she tried to do a couple of times and couldn't get thru. The only way she could ever go back is if she didn't have a family to support, if she had more time and money to just sit down and dedicate her time to it completely. Some mornings, my mother's entrance is louder than usual. It's louder because she's arguing with my stepdad. About money. It's always about money. I hear her say things that sometimes don't sound fair. But I quietly forgive her for it, as I'm sure my Step-dad does the same. She's just exhausted. The little Brazilian mama's life has been long and the hard work has never stopped. I can't help but to look at her sometimes, even in those moments when she is happy and smiling, and wonder, "Is she ok?" And I get sad thinking she's not. I get sad thinking about all the things my mom has given up, in order to raise a family. And I wonder if she regrets it. The answer is no probably, but still, if I won millions of dollars, I would give my mom her very own dream kitchen where she could have her cake AND eat it too. And also, I would take her to Italy.

My dad. To him, I would give retirement. The man is turning 70 this year. For an old papa, he's in great shape, but I think it's time for him to kick back and relax. Once and for all. Maybe in Panama. My dad is a man that has truly LIVED. He has worked hard and played hard, worked harder, and now I think it's time for him to play again. To celebrate and to reflect. My soul is a well-fed soul thanks to that man, and I don't even know where to begin in showing him how unbelievably thankful I am to call him my father. My dad has taught me that life is beautiful, a gift...that is meant to be enjoyed. He has taught me to fill it with love and adventure, to do everything I possibly can, so that I may never look back in regret. I know that this is how he has lived his own life, and all I can do is sit back in awe and wonder of how he so brilliantly pulled it off for himself. I see him reflecting already, and it's a beautiful thing. Bittersweet, really. It's hard to swallow the inevitable fact I won't have him forever, that someday, maybe sooner than I'd like to admit, he will go. I don't like to think about this. But I do, and until that time comes, I'd like him to relax. To enjoy a series of lobster dinners, a marathon of Van Damme movies (his favorite) and perhaps even go on one last lifetime adventure with me, my sisters, and my step-mom. He'd like that. And I would too. If you're reading this, Dad. I love you. So very much. If I won the lottery, I'd take us all to Panama. We'd leave on Monday.

And my dear sisters. My dear beautiful sisters. What I wouldn't give to them??? To Michelle- I would give her a little home in LA, with the best agent and all the tools and head shots she needed to pursue her acting career whole-heartidly, without any financial stress. The girl has been through hell and back already at only 22 years old, much like my dad, she's been LIVING her life, and still she has many dreams yet to chase. I'd give her all the tools needed for success, knowing that even without those tools, she'd be fine. Because she's a go-getter, a determined girl with a big heart, and financial smarts that I will never personally know myself. And still, I think she'd be down with some free rent. And a shopping spree at Free People. To Shannon- I'd give her a home too. Post Edit: And really whatever she wants. In my original posting, I followed up the house with a couple of others things. One in which was meant to be endearing, and the other, in which was meant to be encouraging. In so many words, I was trying to be funny and loving. I was trying to make it a point how much I believe in my little sister and really want her to chase her dreams in every way possible. Somehow it did not translate that way...heh, at all. Perhaps my writing is not always as clear as I like to think it is, because I really meant no harm here, just love. To you, Shannon, I would really give you whatever money could buy. Without money, you already have all my love, all my support, and always, always my forgiveness..... even when you return misinterpretations made with hateful words that are harsh and deliberately mean. I forgive you. I'm sorry I hurt you. And I hope you can forgive me. P.S. The Sobel sisters would also most likely do a Eurotrip. It's something we talk about all the time. A winning lotto ticket would certainly cater to that.

To my sweet brother Brandon, I'd give a car. Box seat tickets to the Dodgers. College completely paid for. And all the burritos and fro-yo a teenage eating monster could ever dream of. I'd give him his own room in my New York apartment so he could always come visit and have a space of his own. 

To the world, I would give. My biggest dream in this little life of mine is to see the world. And see it I would. I'd use my winnings not just to finance my traveling, but to do great things in all the places I travel to. To support the building of schools and communities, to get my own hands in the dirt and mud and help strengthen organizations and programs assembled for those in need. I know I will do this in my life anyway, but if I were to win the lottery, I would do these things in an even BIGGER way. That goes with out saying.

If I won five hundred and sixty million dollars, there's tons of things I'd wanna give to myself, sure. But one thing's for sure. I'd never stop working. Of course, I'd take time to enjoy my life, go to these places with my family that I often daydream about, but I think I'd put a a huge bulk of the money into humanitarian work, and the rest away in the bank. I would never think to myself, "Wow, I have so much money now. I'll never have to work another day in my life!" To me, life IS all about working. Your life's work is what makes you who you are, and the harder you work, the stronger your character is. I am happy that things haven't been handed to me easily in this life, that I have had to work hard, that I know the sweetness that comes in earning my share. Money doesn't buy happiness. The only appealing thing to me that money does buy is comfort. A more comfortable platform for me to continue working upon. With or without five hundred and sixty million dollars, I'm still going to work hard for the things I want. At the end of the day it's not the money I want.. it's the fulfillment. Fulfillment from saying, look, I wrote this published book. Look, I wrote this produced play. Look, I designed and built this home. Look, I built this restaurant from scratch, and I've created a workspace that is filled with love-look, how every person here is happy to be here. Look, I've raised this family. Look, I've work hard, doing every thing that I love and I've never stopped.

If I won five hundred and sixty millions dollars, I'd be happier giving that money than spending it on myself. Because honestly, everything I have described in the paragraph above, are things I set out to do no matter what. In writing this, I've come to realize that accomplishing all those dreams of mine would be most fulfilling without any"comfortable" platform that millions of dollars could provide.

With all of the being said, am I still going to play? Heck yeah, I am! The chances of winning are so astronomically small, but marking those little tickets is fun. Pretending that some numbers stand out greater than others yelling, "mark me! I'm one of the magical numbers", is a sportive experience.There is excitement there. There is wonder. There is hope. There is thought processes that I have only begun to describe here in this little blog post of mine. At the end of the day, the numbers will be called, and will I win? Chances are, no. And on I will carry. On with my waiting tables. On with paying my debt. On with moving to New York. On with eating. On with running. On with breathing. On with living this ever-so blessed life of mine that exists with an on-going average of $500 in my checking account at any given time. This is my life, and by the grace of God, it goes on. 

And still-----the purchasing of that ticket, does give me a chance. If that chance were to be in my favor, well, for one, I'd shit my pants. For two, I'd definitely give all of you a piece of the pie. Yes, you my lovely readers! I know we've only known each other for like five minutes, but I love you still. Meg- I'd get you and your honeys a lifetime supply of bacon. Plus a trip to California part deux where we would have lunch somewhere fancy. Or maybe not fancy, but we'd order the entire menu. Twice. Sarah-I'd get you the means to get to New York. And we'd give our regards to Broadway, in person, and in style. To everyone else, I'd throw a huge blogger party, in which you'd all obviously be invited and we'd have someone ridiculous and hot like Justin Timberlake be the entertainment. Or whoever. You choose.  I would elaborate further on how wicked this party would be and all the crazy festivities it would hold, but alas, I'm feeling pretty emotionally and mentally spent at this point. Also, I gatta go play the lotto now. The jack pot is at $540 mill. Have you heard? 

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Just In Case You Were Wondering Exactly How Weird I Am...

Here ya go. I'm feeling a little reminiscent of those college week day nights where I didn't feel like doing my Shakespeare reading, so instead I grabbed my room mate and demanded we make home bideos of us being ourselves, which needless to say=grade A weirdos. Eh, we're theater kids, after all. Feel free to unfollow me after this post. Or recommend me/my blog to any weirdos out there you might know. And when I say weirdos, I'm talking about the off beat awesome people of the world, not serial killers...thanks/love you. (I would hope you don't know any serial killers.)

PS. That's my college apartment we were playing in. Lots of memories in that little nook of mine. We called it the "Fungalow". It was our attempt to match the fun idea of having a college living situation that had a name... like all the guys in our drama department who lived together in a house and called it "The Dude Ranch". I was really hoping the Fungalow would catch on, and it would be the new fav. hang out spot for all the cool kids of UCI, but that didn't quite occur. Then Chris, my former room mate above (who I shared apt with) moved out and into The Dude Ranch.. ouch. Well, I don't blame him. They had a garage with a ping pong table in it and a driveway where you could park for free. All I had going at my place was shitty parking and a wall collage.

Hey now, it was a pretty sweet collage at least--- check it out.

And my old spacious room that I miss a lot lot now compared to my current room at the parent's place, where cleaning=stuffing things away in any space available which = none, which = a seemingly messy/ scattered room constantly.

I sure do miss you, Park West. You were a time in my life that now only exists as a memory. In many ways a sorta sour one, but in other ways, a very happy one. I lived a lot in that little college apartment of mine.

Mighty Life List: Watch AFI's 100 Greatest Films.

K, time to get the ball rolling on this whole Mighty Life List thing. Making a list of the all the things you wanna do in your life is one thing. Doing them is another. And chu know what? I'mma DO THIS! 

So here we go, folks. 

I wanna watch all the movies on AFI's 100 Years 100 Movies: America's Greastest Movies list.  

This is the place where I will tracking my progress and also sharing some of my thoughts of what I see. Below is the full list. The ones crossed out are the ones I have already seen, and I will continue to cross each and every one of these bad boys off as I go along.

To all my spectacular friends and family- if you're reading, and you own any of these films...may I borrow them? Please :) 

To my dear readers- join me! Have you seen all these films? I'd love to turn this into some cool non-pretentious little film club (I think my super tacky/lame banner at the top pushes any tones of pretentious out the window). Maybe each week we (or I) (or whatever) can pick a film off the list and watch it.. and then discuss it. Or something. I don't know. We can talk/tweet about it later, just leaves me a comment below if you're in and we'll work it out like Richard Simmons. (I've worked it out--- OFFICIAL CLUB PAGE/INSTRUCTIONS). You can download your own list here. Either way, I'm watching all these films, and it's going to be awesome. And good for me. I'm tired of people rolling their eyes at me when I tell them I haven't seen any of The Godfathers. I'M GOING TO, OK. Like now. This year. I'm sorry I just prefer to watch The Life Aquatic and It Takes Two with MK and Ashley every night before I go to bed. I'm a creature of habit.

But I wanna break that. It's time I get a more well-rounded exposure to film, especially w/ some of the classics... so here goes.

Some of these I'm really looking forward to... others not so much...

1. CITIZEN KANE (1941)

2. CASABLANCA (1942)

3. GODFATHER, THE (1972)

4. GONE WITH THE WIND (1939)

5. LAWRENCE OF ARABIA (1962)

6. WIZARD OF OZ, THE (1939)

7. GRADUATE, THE (1967)  love. 

8. ON THE WATERFRONT (1954)

9. SCHINDLER'S LIST (1993)  wanna see again.

10. SINGIN' IN THE RAIN (1952) wanna see again.

11. IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE (1946)  grew up on this one. one of the faves.

12. SUNSET BOULEVARD (1950) 

13. BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI, THE (1957)

14. SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959)

15. STAR WARS (1977) Yup, I've never seen Star Wars. And if it weren't on this list, I probably wouldn't ever bother. Shank me if you'd like, I just haven't really ever cared !

16. ALL ABOUT EVE (1950)

17. AFRICAN QUEEN, THE (1951) 

18. PSYCHO (1960) 

19. CHINATOWN (1974)

20. ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST (1975)  want to see again.

21. GRAPES OF WRATH, THE (1940)

22. 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)

23. MALTESE FALCON, THE (1941)

24. RAGING BULL (1980)

25. E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL (1982) 

26. DR. STRANGELOVE (1964)

27. BONNIE & CLYDE (1967) 

28. APOCALYPSE NOW (1979) really not looking forward to this one.

29. MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939)

30. TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE (1948)  Watched 4/8/12 

31. ANNIE HALL (1977) 

32. GODFATHER PART II, THE (1974)

33. HIGH NOON (1952) 

34. TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD (1962)  ♥ One of my most fav. books of all time.

35. IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT (1934)

36. MIDNIGHT COWBOY (1969)

37. BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES, THE (1946)

38. DOUBLE INDEMNITY (1944)

39. DOCTOR ZHIVAGO (1965) 

40. NORTH BY NORTHWEST (1959)

41. WEST SIDE STORY (1961)  Grew up on this one too. My favorite musical of all time. And a *GREAT* film.

42. REAR WINDOW (1954)

43. KING KONG (1933) 

44. BIRTH OF A NATION, THE (1915) ugh. this one sounds like a sleeper too.

45. STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE, A (1951) great play, looking forward to seeing this one/surprised I haven't seen it by now.

46. CLOCKWORK ORANGE, A (1971)

47. TAXI DRIVER (1976)

48. JAWS (1975) 

49. SNOW WHITE & THE SEVEN DWARFS (1937)

50. BUTCH CASSIDY & THE SUNDANCE KID (1969)

51. PHILADELPHIA STORY, THE(1940)

52. FROM HERE TO ETERNITY (1953)

53. AMADEUS (1984)  want to see again.

54. ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT (1930)

55. SOUND OF MUSIC, THE (1965) 

56. M*A*S*H (1970)  5/3/12

57. THIRD MAN, THE (1949)

58. FANTASIA (1940)  this film is terrifying. 

59. REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE (1955) 

60. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981) 

61. VERTIGO (1958) 

62. TOOTSIE (1982) 

63. STAGECOACH (1939) 

64. CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977) 

65. SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, THE (1991) 

66. NETWORK (1976)

67. MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE, THE (1962)

68. AMERICAN IN PARIS, AN (1951) 

69. SHANE (1953) 

70. FRENCH CONNECTION, THE (1971)

71. FORREST GUMP (1994)

72. BEN-HUR (1959)  want to see again.

73. WUTHERING HEIGHTS (1939)

74. GOLD RUSH, THE (1925) 

75. DANCES WITH WOLVES (1990)

76. CITY LIGHTS (1931) 

77. AMERICAN GRAFFITI (1973)

78. ROCKY (1976) 

79. DEER HUNTER, THE (1978) 

80. WILD BUNCH, THE (1969) 

81. MODERN TIMES (1936) 

82. GIANT (1956) 

83. PLATOON (1986) 

84. FARGO (1996) 

85. DUCK SOUP (1933) 

86. MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY (1935)

87. FRANKENSTEIN (1931)

88. EASY RIDER (1969)

89. PATTON (1970)

90. JAZZ SINGER, THE (1927) 

91. MY FAIR LADY (1964)

92. PLACE IN THE SUN, A(1951) 

93. APARTMENT, THE (1960) 

94. GOODFELLAS (1990)   OWN IT.

95. PULP FICTION (1994) Yeah, I know. I have to see it. 

96. SEARCHERS, THE (1956)

97. BRINGING UP BABY (1938) 

98. UNFORGIVEN (1992)

99. GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER (1967) 

100. YANKEE DOODLE DANDY (1942)

(Poster images used in banner above found here)

For my entire Mighty Life List click here.

The Bachelor vs. SHA.

photo cred: 1 / 2

Alright, ok. Let it be known. I have a little bit of an obsession with reality TV. Especially the dating kinds. After a long night of waiting tables, it's the perfect medicine for entertainment/relaxation, and it goes well with my Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Get over it/get into it.

I've been a die hard fan of The Bachelor/Bachelorette since Deanna's season. And by die hard fan, I mean yes, I have been known to stalk some of my favorite contestants on Twitter (even back when I first got Twitter a couple of years ago and then got rid of it.. because I was only using to it stalk contestants of the Bachelor). Yes, I've maybe added a few contestants on Facebook.. and I've certainly learned to appreciate Mondays under a completely different light. I've even, on many occasions, thought about auditioning for the show. Alas, I'm single now and could finally do it. Hey wait a minute. I'm single now and I could finally do it.. hmm.

I'll have to return to that thought later. But for now... I want to talk about the other dating show. You know, the one on CMT. No? Well, shoot. If you're a huge Bach fan like me... you gatta get into Sweet Home Alabama! Hullo. Not only is it a refreshing break from the last very wha-wha couple of seasons of the Bach, it's just more real, in my opinion. I mentioned this before already on a previous post, but I don't know... the contestants on SHA just seem more genuine and down to earth. Maybe it's a Southern thing, but even some of the "city" guys impressed me towards the end. Shaun Bigsss, I'm talking to you. And yeah... I'm moving to New York. So, uh, look me up.

And the finale of this last season. Holy canoli.... that was definitely one of the most raw set of moments I've ever seen on any reality dating show. I cried really hard for like a good ten minutes. And then konked out immediately after. That's how hard I cried. I don't know if it was just the realness of the emotions being portratyed or if it was my own baggage that greeted me at the sight of heartbreak. Or just good old menstruation. I'm gunna say all three. I really broke down when she let Bubba go. And all the same, my heart smiled rivers wide for Jeremiah, the sweet farmer boy she picked in the end. He's totally my kind of guy-a flannel wearing musician with a super guarded heart. Who doesn't hate that last trait, naturally, but I don't think they make flannel wearing musicians (who are also incredibly scruffy and handsome) with out it. Don't I know it.

Anyway, here's the happy couple. Aren't they presch?

I absolutely love Paige Duke and think she makes an extremely marvelous role model for what every women should be like. I really do have a lot of respect for the South. The mamas and papas around there sure seem to know what's up.

If you guys haven't seen the show... you can watch all of them online on CMT! Feel free to thank me and/or throw curses at me for adding a new addiction/guilty pleasure to your plate. You're welcome.

Lastly, how great are these Vday cards?? I want to high five the creators or whoever came up with this cute and fun idea. They have one for each contestant... but these ones were my faves. SHAUN SMITH, I kind of love you... even though you tweet like a high schooler. No, but really, I do love you. I was riding on a real pair of LOLLERskates every moment you were on air. Thanks for making my heart smile hundreds of times in a row.

(The answer is Yes, Jeremiah.) (oh shoot, she picked you.) (I mean yay.) (But shoot.)

all images found on CMT Facebook Page.

Here's to Paige and Jeremiah.

And guilty pleasures. (What's yours? Do you watch these shows too ??)

And to Bubba! I sure hope they pick him to be the next Bachelor on SHA. Either way, he deserves one hell of an amazing lady.

Who Needs a Boyfriend When You Have A Blog.

photo cred / isn't this little workspace perfect? i want.

I gatta say-checking my phone every fifteen minutes for new e-mails/blog comments feels no different than checking my phone every fifteen minutes for text messages from dudes. If anything, it feels better. Cause if I don't have any new blog comments, I shrug my shoulders and go on about my day. But if I do.. then yay! (It's almost a whole lot of silly how much one little comment or e-mail can put an extra pep in my step on any given day.) (hint hint, wink wink)

Whereas if I get a text message from a chap I'm seeing, cool. But if I don't... uh, what. the. heck. In comes the over-analyzation, the worry, the frustration at one's inability to carry out a speedy response and/or portray a willful and determined desire to communicate and show interest. The dating life can really be so stressful, ya know. Joyous in many ways, yes, but by golly, stressful as f.

I needed this break. And I'm enjoying it quite nicely.

Much credit to this whole blogging voyage. Really. Aside from setting some pretty huge goals for myself as of lately, creating this little space has given me something to keep busy with, something to motivate me, to hold me accountable, to really truly focus on myself and those relationships (new and old) in my life that are strictly platonic. To reflect on how far I've come since the new year when I was so generously hit all at once with a bunch of craziness and heartbreak.

And boy have I really gone and done it. I've created a domain name, a Twitter account, a Facebook fan page.. the whole nine yards, in an attempt to make this new beloved hobbie of mine known. And ya wanna know something? I kinda feel like a jack ass. I mean, in all honesty, it's not like I'm asking people to come check out or support some great cause I'm fighting for. Or like I'm in some cool band that deserves an established fan base. Or even running a real profitable business behind this. Even the thought of that being the case in the future, just seems so far-fetched when all I'm really doing here is talking about myself and my mostly ordinary life. We've all got our own stories to tell, and I've got some crazy ones, sure, but at the moment, it's not like I'm really doing anything that extravagant. I'm moving to New York. From California. There's been plenty of moments already where I've thought to myself, "Really Jen? Who cares."

But you know what. Who cares who cares! At the end of the day, I'm doing this for me. With or without comments, followers, approval... this is my new gig, and it makes me really, very happy. For the interested-welcome! For the non-interested-it's all good! Heck, my sisters never click onto this thing, except to steal and re-load photos I took of them onto their instagrams..and it's doesn't bother me in the slightest. I'm not doing this for anyone else, I'm doing it for me.

This is my blog. My own personal journeys accounted for. My super savvy new generator of peace and self-reflection. My new boyfriend. (Along with Peeta Mellark. Hello precious piece of fiction. I have a huge crush on you.)

I just wanna say thanks to everyone who is here and reading. I progress with or with out you, but your company, your thoughts, and your encouragement, is sweet. And it means a lot to me. Really, really.

In other news, I'm having some crazy thoughts lately. Like.... just buying my one-way plane ticket to New York for the 1st of June. I already have a place to stay at first when I get there... maybe I should just do it. Just get out there. I'm feeling so anxious lately, it hurts, and the longer I hold on tight to this whole "save five grand first", the more I wonder if it's just gunna hold me back longer than necessary.

What do you guys think?

Risky has always been my color....

And going back to blogging...  how do you feel about it--Why do you read blogs? And if you have a blog of your own, why do you blog? How do you feel about "promoting" your blog? Do you sometimes feel like I do.. a little bit silly and self-centered?

Here's what some really awesome people have shared about their own blogging experiences, that has truly reassured my own part in all of this, as well as inspired me to keep at it passionately.

- Tammy's post about blogging.
- Jenni Chui's post, "Why I'll Never Quit Blogging"
- This incredible piece by Alexandra Rosas from Blogher's Voices of the Year last summer. (This one is more for those trying to understand what blogging even is, or why any of us do it... but still. I just love this piece so much, I have to share! )



Looking forward to hearing your thoughts :)

Spring Time in the Beach Town.

Happy Spring, babies.

I woke up to a beautiful day and decided that I was going to put on some real clothes.. some make up even and go outside. I brought Michelle with me.

We decided it would be kinda cute to get all nostalgic and visit some of our past hang outs. So guess what. We did!

Our little journey started at the epic Arroyo Verde Park where we spent our summers ice blocking and attending cross country practice. (We enjoyed/reflected more heavily on the former.) Here's a few snapshots. Isn't this park huge and amazing? It's even bigger than it looks in the photos. Awesome hiking/running trails and grassy knolls for dayssss.

Had to hit up downtown of course---because that's what you do on a sunny day in the 805... you go DT Ventura and enjoy all the fine shops and pastel colors it has to offer. I think our city council is made up of people who believe in Easter colors year round. This speculation hails from the fact that 60% of our city's buildings/houses is painted as such. I do not object. At all.

(Can you tell we are seesters?)

Considering it had been awhile since I'd been up to the Cross, I said, "letsssss gooo!" To which Michelle said, "ooooook!" And so up we went! Brought back a lot of memories of burrito picnics and ex-boyfriends. Good memories on both accounts !

I'm pretty proud of these shots. I have to say thank you to clear skies and Instagram for really making me feel like a talent today.

We had to pick up Shannon (sister #duex) up from work shortly after we left the cross, so while we waited for her to end her shift at the mall, we decided to cross the street and pay our middle school campus a visit. Wow, was that a flash back. Strange how long ago that feels, that very awkward time where I attempted to play the oboe in the school band, and wore the same Hurley sweatshirt everyday, to not match my multi-colored fat shoe laces on my beloved pair of pink adidas. That time when, all I wanted was to be cool and popular and liked, and secretly (but not secretly) admired by boys named Jordan, Wesley, and Stanley. Jordan especially. That kid had nice hair. I have no idea where in the world those characters of my youth exist now, but in my memory they return to me so vividly. Ah, middle school. It was a time filled with P.E. numbers, arctic freezes, lip sync contests, weeples, seagull poop, G.A.T.E., slam books, hundreds of notes in class and really just no idea what was yet to come in this little 'ol life of mine. And still, who knows what is yet to come. Life is really something, ain't it.

Ballin' artwork! Always loved our very colorful campus.

We picked up Shannon and brought her back to partcipate in this very important Sobel sisters public announcement:

Can you tell that I'm not joking around?

Somedays I really do go back and consider being a school teacher just so that I can take care of all the little ones that get picked on. Boy oh boy, would I love the heck out of them. And protect them like no other. For real.

After Anacapa, we migrated to Thousand Oaks to grab some dinner, purchase some Apple products for Michelle's new macbook (lucky biatch) and to also touch a bunch of shoes at Nordstroms we all wish we had the money to buy right now (Oh hey Oxfords...FIND A MAGICAL WAY TO GET INTO MY CLOSET, WON'T YOU/THANKS.) We would have taken more photos, but......our phones died. Ha. Poor us, we had to look at each other's faces not through an iphone lens, and actually talk to one another! Who does that anymore these days??

It was a wonderful, beautiful day spent with wonderful, beautiful sisters :)

And Ventura---You are a wonderful, beautiful place to call home. I'm sure gunna miss ya when I leave for the city. That's all I gatta say.